Expectations: letting go and holding on

You usually do not realize how strongly you hold to your expectations until someone or something forces you to let go of your expectations. 

I have a return ticket to Germany for 3 September 2010. 

In order for me to use that ticket... 

There is the expectation I have...

that I can use that ticket to return to Kandern, say goodbyes, join some meetings I need to be part of and then return to the states if needed or move to Italy if at 100%.

There is an expectation that others have for me...

that I will use that return ticket only if I have 100% of my monthly support coming in. 

And I have come up against other unmet expectations recently...

The question I hear lately: Does God really want you to move to Italy?

The question usually follows talk about how I am still looking for ministry partners and not yet in Italy.

It reminds me of the unmet expectations I encounter to the fact that I am not dating or married yet. My own expectations and the expectations of others. 

If I am not married yet does that mean God does not want me to get married?

I have full confidence that my desire for marriage and children is from the Lord.

I hold on to my expectations that God will provide in all areas of my life. 

He will provide the money for support.

He will provide the wisdom and direction needed for that return ticket and the meetings in September.

He will provide a husband for me.

I hold on to my expectations that God's timing is perfect. 

He will provide the money for support when His timing is right.

He will show me when to return to Europe and how to approach it.

He will bring me to my husband and my husband to me when we are ready.

I hold on to my expectations that no one, not even me, can determine my steps better than God.

A great thing about being in the states is time with friends and family... I had a lovely lunch with my brothers yesterday.

Birthdays

I have spent my birthdays in some pretty random places... Morocco, Cyprus, Germany, Austria... And this year I get to spend it in Portland, Oregon. There are a couple things about my birthday this year that gave me pause to think.

1. Facebook has made it possible for hundreds of the people in my life to wish me a happy birthday without needing to pay postage or phone bills. I was so blessed to hear from so many! And, of course, if it wasn't for Facebook... would we even know that a birthday was coming? I have Facebook to tell me birthdays, my mobile phone to keep phone numbers and emails... What does my brain need to remember for me? I am fascinated by how technology changes our culture.

2. I received a few actually birthday cards in the mail. SO fun!!!!  My favorite?! Disney Princess's collection Sleeping Beauty with hand drawings inside by some of the dear little people in my life. Thanks Ems and Josh!  and Thanks Lisa and Kevin! Actual cards are fun to hold on to. I will treasure the words in the cards that were sent to me. They won't disappear under countless other wall postings as the greetings on Facebook do.

3. There is a group of ladies that God has put in my life since years ago... and they are so wonderful to celebrate each others birthdays. And this year they gathered together to celebrate with me, my birthday! So great!  I was thinking...the men who marry these amazing women... are really lucky... incredible cooks!.. and so much more!  Kristin, Bekah, Sara, Jamie, thank you for blessing me!  The food and drinks were perfect!

4. On my birthday I had the pleasure of the company of two other dear friends, lunch at a great Lebanese restaurant, ice cream at Cold Stone, lots of laughter, and it ended with some sweet time with the Lord and dear people at the Good Shepherd night of Soaking in His Presence. I do love variety... and the day was a great mix of things... dear people in person, dear people on the phone, dear people on facebook, dear people in church...red roses, fun e-cards, etc.  God is good.

Eastern Oregon

I have never spent time in the North Eastern part of Oregon... until this past week.  I landed in Portland on Tuesday evening and went with my mother Wednesday morning to Eastern Oregon. It was a privilege to see what my mom does when she is teaching home health care workers about the being heart-healthy.

 As we drove from Portland to Elgin and then from Elgin to Enterprise and then from Enterprise to Ontario and from Ontario to Baker City... I was amazed.. over and over again at the beauty that God has created over there!

So I want to share some photos with you... they do not really even begin to capture the grandeur of what I saw... but it is a glimpse. 

Wallowa Lake near Joseph, Oregon...when I saw this.. I thought.. I have some photos of areas in Switzerland like this!  Then my mom pointed out this sign...

Thanks Mom!

More views of the amazing mountains...

And as a bonus... we got to hang out for a short time with dear Christina. What a treat!

Back here in Portland it has been raining a lot. Today I drove through a hail/thunder/rain/wind/lightening storm.

Muttertag/Mother's Day

Heute ist Muttertag in Deutschland und in Amerika. Meine Mutter ist wunderschön. Ich wartete den ganzen Tag, um meine Mutter anzurufen, weil es einen 9-Stunden-Zeitzonenunterschied von mir zu ihr gibt. Und ich danke Gott für Technologie. vor 15 Jahren, als ich in Österreich wohnte, könnte ich nicht so leicht benannt haben.

Today is Mother's Day in Germany and in America. My Mother is wonderful! I waited the whole day to call my mother because there is a 9 hour time zone difference between she and I.  And I thank God for technology. 15 years ago when I lived in Austria.. it was not so easy to call.

The In-Between Moments.

A lovely day in early Spring in the hills and vineyards around Kandern
 

In between my home being in Germany and my home being in Italy... 

I am without a place to call home. I know that home is where the heart is. I know that this world is not really my home.  

The old song, "this world is not my home, I'm just a passin' through. My treasures are laid up, somewhere beyond the blue. The angels beckon me from Heaven's open door, and I can't feel at home in this world anymore." keeps going through my head.

I have moved at least 20 times in my life. I have become quite the pro at packing, and even better at making a place a home quickly.

But this time.. I moved out of my flat in Kandern... and I do not yet have a home to move into. So.. my paintings are boxed up, my plants in foster care, my kitchen is in pieces and scattered amongst boxes, my bed is taken apart and my rugs are rolled up. Everything is in storage, waiting. Waiting for the day when I can put it all in a truck and drive down to my new home in Rome.

And in the in-between times... I wait on the Lord. He hears my cry and He answers me!

I actually moved out of my flat in-between meetings in Spain and a conference in Italy. 2.5 days. If it had not been for the help of dear friends in Kandern..it would not have happened. God is good.

the shore of Sitges, Spain where the Next Generation Leader Development group I am part of had our meetings recently. I am amazed at the places God let's me see in this job He has me doing.