expectations vs reality

I think I have written about this before, but it is so appropriate in so many areas of life.

Currently, I am dealing with my unmet expectations about the duplex I hope to move into. 

It was originally supposed to be ready the beginning of October, but with the amount of work needed, it was pushed back to the 14th of October. 

At that point, my future housemate moved in... but she has been living in a kind of glorified camping situation since then. I was hoping/expecting to move in this weekend, but the duplex was not ready enough for that to be feasible. 

So here I am again, 

in another temporary situation

I re-shuffled my suitcases and bags again

I'll carry my things to and from the shower when I need to use the shower

honestly... 

I'm excited for the day when I can pull jeans from a dresser 

and use my shampoo that is already in the shower.

when I open the freezer to pull out the marinara sauce I made ahead

when I have food in the fridge to pack for lunch on Monday

Normalcy...

I am weary of feeling homeless and at the same time, grateful to dear people who let me sleep in their spare bed or on their spare couch. 

More lessons and learning about resting my expectations on the Lord and letting the reality be enough. 

Salvation, Sovereignty, Holiness and Wrath of God

The first five books of the Bible each expound on one of these themes. 

I am thoroughly enjoying studying the Bible in class again. 

I  have missed it. 

Can you imagine what life would be like to serve a god who was not the author of Salvation? 

Who was not all Sovereign? 

Who was not all Holy? 

Who was not consistent in his justice and Wrath? 

I find so much hope and comfort in the fact that I am a child of GOD. 

Yahweh. 

The God who made a plan of salvation, the God who made covenants with Moses and Abraham and has not ever wavered on them.

This is the God I trust. 

This is the God I want to glorify above all else.

Come to Me

Matthew 11:28-30 is on my mind this morning. I have a moment this morning to sit with The Lord. And with the cats...who want in on the "action". 

Psalm 86 is where I am pondering this morning. 

Psalm 86:3-10 

Be gracious to me, O Lord, for to you do I cry all the day. 

Gladden the soul of your servant, for to you, O Lord, do I lift up my soul. 

For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you. 

Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer; listen to my plea for grace. 

In the day of my trouble I call upon you, for you answer me. 

Among the gods there is none like you, Lord; no deeds can compare with yours. 

All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, Lord; they will bring glory to your name. 

For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God. 

The transition feels overwhelming at times. I cry out to The Lord, for His perspectives. 

on leaving and being left

Leaving and Being Left

I have been thinking a lot about leaving and being left.

Going overseas as a missionary meant a lot of leaving people I love. 

Returning from overseas meant a lot of leaving people I love. 

I have left a lot of dear people and this breaks my heart. 

I feel like pieces of my heart are scattered all over the world. 

So here I am back where I came from, mourning the loss of people I have left overseas and longing to reconnect with people here.

I have heard from some dear people here, that they are cautious about getting close to me because I may leave again. 

I understand.

I have been left a lot too. 

It hurts being left. 

It leaves a hole in your heart. 

Leaving and being left is really hard.