Giving and Receiving

I had an experience this past week that has given me pause to ponder my reactions.

The situation:

A service that I am using has an option for low income clients to pay a lower price (with some stipulations, of course)
I knew this from reading their materials.

As I have watched my financial support dwindle since my return to the USA, I also watched my modest savings account dwindle as I am committed to paying bills and not going into debt. Now, I have enough life experience and training to know that a savings account is very important... especially when life throws you a curve ball. I have been grateful for that savings account.

So this past week I found that I could pay my bills, but I did not have the funds to put gas in my car or to purchase groceries. I am watching God work that out as He always does... and I also knew I needed to ask this service about the option for low income clients.

As the service ended on Monday, I wrote a check and asked that it not be cashed until after the 5th. The provider asked me if that was difficult and if I had read all the material provided? Did I see the part about low income?

yes. I did see it. yes. I meant to ask. yes. with tears in my eyes I realised that my being able to have enough to also give to others has brought me great joy! and I am facing the reality that I may not be able to do that for a while. that breaks my heart!

The provider helped me walk through this and I left pondering how my pride in being able to DO is being knocked down. Yes it is more blessed to give than to receive but if pride keeps me from receiving... that is not from the Lord.